As I’ve said before if there’s one thing I like almost as much as GREAT Professional Wrestling, it is when pro-wrestling is so bad its funny. Exhibit A; The Vince Russo era of WCW Monday Nitro. I’ll set the scene as I go along in the blog, but by now WWF was WAY ahead of where WCW was in just about every area. And without Vince McMahon above him to filter his ideas into brilliance, Vince Russo was writing WCW into it’s deathbed. I’ve watched every Vince Russo nitro before, and read a whole book and watched many review shows on Nitro in the year 2000. So I like to think I have a pretty informed opinion. But let me pick this show out as an example and you can make your own mind up… So on the 21st anniversary of this episode of WCW’s weekly flagship show, lets see for ourselves just what a Russo written show was REALLY like…
First up we see that GOD AWFUL logo for WCW in 2000 (starting as we mean to go on…)…
To open the show we have WCW Champion David Arquette being questioned by his wife Courtney outside the arena. She didn’t understand why he was wanting to be a wrestler, and how ridiculous it was he was the world champion. Arquette laughed it off and tried to show off how cool it was he was the world champion. Courtney Cox seemed annoyed and bemused at the audacity of the Heavyweight Champion Of The World.
OH YES INDEED, you DID read that correctly… The historic ‘big gold belt’ held by greats such as Ric Flair, Sting, Hulk Hogan, Goldberg and so on… at the beginning of this show was proudly held by… A FUCKING MOVIE ACTOR!?!? They didn’t put the celebrity in a cameo or a segment, not just in a match, but HE WON THE FUCKING WORLD TITLE. VINCE RUSSO AND WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING CROWNED DAVID ARQUETTE AS THE HOLDER OF ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS CHAMPIONSHIPS IN THE BUSINESS, THE H-E-A-V-Y-W-E-I-G-H-T C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N-S-H-I-P of T-H-E W-O-R-L-D… and they gave it to DAVID FUCKING ARQUETTE…. Give me a break…
We are MINUTES into this show and I’m already a combination of furious and laughing my ass off at how DUMB this is.
We next go to a parking lot in the arena, where we see the group of WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION David Arquette, Diamond Dallas Page and Chris Kanyon pull up in one car, and in another limo we have a baseball bat-wielding Vince Russo (with his… ‘slave’ I guess that’s what she was, or more his prisoner… I don’t know it was very weird… anyway he had Miss Elizabeth with him), Jeff Jarrett as well as New Blood (the gang of the ‘younger’ WCW stars) members Billie Kidman and Mike Awesome along with Eric Bischoff and Kimberley Page (yes DDP’s once wife)… These two group threw verbal jabs at eachother, before another car came in and crashed into the heel’s black limo… and out from that stepped Hulk Higan. Not the nWo Hogan, not the Real American, but an almost ‘biker Hogan’… He was in black clothes (doo-rag and all) with a black sleeveless jacket that had ‘F.U.N.B’ on the back (cause he’s a big fan of the New Blood group you see…). Hogan went at it with Awesome and a big brawl ensued. A tonne of WCW Security staff came to try and break it up.
We then had the big pyro and fireworks show to open the show. This is the go home show for the Slamboree PPV event by the way. Nitro on this occasion coming at you from Birmingham, Alabama. Your commentators are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and Scott Hudson.
Norman Smiley (with ‘Rusty) defeated Crowbar
We opened with what I think was a hardcore match between the crazed Crowbar, and Normal Smiley… who danced his way out with his trashcan of weapons, as well as his ‘mascot’. Apparently this mascot is his mystery partner for the upcoming PPV, and we were all waiting for the big reveal when the mascot would take the head off… but it didn’t come. The match was basically they’d each hit one another with weapons, and Crowbar trying to go after the mascot. The finish was absurd; with the mascot in the corner of the ring, Smiley hit a belly to back suplex off the top, the mascot suddenly got on all fours selling his face, Norman stumbled over him, and conveniently fell right into where Crowbar was, then he used the momentum to pull Crowbar down and pin him. Crowbar wasn’t happy, Norman couldn’t either… and he and the mascot did their wiggle in the ring. There’s a few minutes of my life I’m never getting back.
Commentary talked about Arquette, and said he had something tot ell us about the WCW title 6 days before Slamboree. Madden really wasn’t a fan. Poor Tony Schiavone had the say it was a ‘GREAT MONENT IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT’ the previous Thursday on Thunder when David Arquette won the title……….. FUCK…. OFF!
DDP, Kanyon and Arquette were walking backstage. Arquette said this had been a whole lot of fun but he didn’t deserve to be world champion anymore. DDP agreed. Jarrett and that crew were seen walking also. As were Lex Luger and Ric Flair entering the building. Lots of walking backstage on this show…
Arquette and Courtney talked some more. David seemed to be a different guy here from the one reluctant to be champion at the actual show. It’s almost as if this was filmed before the tv show and they decided to just drop it in here anywhere just because, despite seconds earlier Arquette being a completely different mindset and feeling about being the world champion… christ…
Shawn Stasiak was at a basketball court attempting to break the world free-throw record. He was feuding with Curt Hennig at this time so this was a way for him to prove he was perfect…
WCW CHAMPION David Arquette came out to the ring with DDP and Kanyon. Arquette was wearing the most absurdly over the top suit.
THE CHAMPION thanked the fans (although they weren’t exactly cheering him but oh well), but he was vacating the title as he doesn’t deserve it. He said DDP and Jeff Jarrett can face eachother for the title at Slamboree. Jarrett and his crew then came out, Jeff bizarrely said he can’t just give up the title. Eric Bischoff said he was a sports entertainer now and that instead it would be a three way. Oh and it’s some form of triple cage match, which sounds crazy doesn’t it? But if you switched off for a few seconds (easy to do with this show) it wasn’t really mentioned all that much as a big deal… Lex Luger then ran in to chase after Vince Russo and try and get Elizabeth back (the story was Russo had her under contract and basically stole her from Luger). Russo ran off with Elizabeth through the crowd… And then the in-ring segment carried right on after that interruption… Bischoff made a match between David Arquette and Tank Abbott. Abbott came out now for the fight but DDP got in the way, Those two fought until a deal was made where Abbott challenged DDP to a fight and if he won he would get to go at Arquette. DDP, the good friend he is, agreed… WHAT???
Lex Luger was seen after the ad break in the back looking for Russo.
Shawn Stasiak is still going in his record attempt at the basketball court.
Eric Bischoff spoke backstage with Hugh Morrus. He made a three way with him against Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. He added that if any of his fellow Misfits in Action interfered in the match then they would all be fired.
The Wall defeated Horace Hogan in a Tables Match
The best thing about this match was Miss Hancock (the future Stacy Keibler) coming out to watch. Almost just as quickly as it was getting going Billie Kidman came out to distract Horace, and this allowed for The Wall to chokeslam him through a table for the win.
The match was more a set up for the angle after. Hulk Hogan (Horace’s uncle) came out to try and make the save after (he’s facing Kidman at the PPV), but he was jumped by Mike Awesome. Eventually Hulk took a beating 3 on 1, a table was set up which Hogan got off apparently after being put on it (not that we saw this on camera…). Hulk set Awesome for a superplex, but it was reversed and Hogan got put through the table with a sunset bomb.
Vampiro cut a weird promo from a graveyard. He called out Sting…
Vince Russo came to the ring with Liz. He challenged Lex Luger to come and face him later…
Hugh Morrus defeated Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarret in a three way
After he came out Steiner cut a mad promo on a fan.
Steiner and Jarrett teamed up on Morris to start off with. Jarrett went for the cover, but Steiner broke up the pin which made them argue. Steiner then hit a suplex on Jarrett, Hugh Morrus then hit a clothesline. He went for his finish after but Steiner reversed and hit the Steiner Recliner. But then Jeff Jarrett came in and smashed Steiner with a guitar. Jarrett then posed and seemed to just let Morrus get the win.
Lash Leroux and Chavo Guerrero came out to celebrate with Morrus after. The New Blood faction did… well they did nothing in fact…
Sting was seen walking through the graveyard (he got there quick didn’t he…)
Bischoff decided to fire the Misfits, except for Lash Leroux who he said was too stupid to know what that meant… right…
We then were in the graveyard again. Sting found Vampiro…
He did though get hit with a shovel and this made him fall into the grave. Vampiro grabbed a headstone, Sting asked him what Vampiro was? Vampiro said he was the monster that Sting should be and then he smashed the headstone over his head and he fell in the grave… So yeah Vampiro buried Sting alive… and legitimately SECONDS later Sting’s hand came out the top of the grave… SICK…
Ric Flair was hyping up Luger.
Tank Abbot defeated Diamond Dallas Page (after he punched him very hard and that was it…)
Abbott laid punched to Page early on, but Page held his own and they went out to the floor. … Tank was starting to dominate… and in the middle of this match they cut to the back where Kanyon and Arquette were locked in their dressing room, meaning they couldn’t help DDP. Right on queue Jeff Jarrett was in the crowd and he smashed a bottle on Page. Just after Tank hit a hard right hand to the back of DDP’s head, and that was that. They just called for the finish. Not quite sure what the rules were here but apparently Tank is the winner. DDP was put on a stretcher after.
Hulk Hogan brawled with Mike Awesome.
Billie Kidman came out after. He said Hogan was old and washed up just like Kevin Nash. He issued an open challenge after. Kevin Nash just so happened to be in the back… Eventually Nash came out and battered Kidman. He sent him to the other side of the ring with a knee to the ribs… before eventually Konnan and Rey Mysterio came out to go at Nash… but of course Nash beat them all up and chased Konnan and Mysterio to the back. The two smaller guys jumped in a truck, but the truck just didn’t go anywhere. So Nash grabbed them both and beat them both up some more. For fuck sake…
Russo was out again with Liz in tow. He told us he was going to interfere in Ric Flair’s match on Sunday (thanks for the spoiler Russo). Russo added that if Luger wins the match tonight he can have the key to Liz (she was handcuffed?). Luger and Ric Flair came out after, but Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas took out Ric, and Security went after Luger (even spraying him in the eyes), so that Bagwell and Douglas could beat on Luger some more. Liz then hit Russo with a Bat and ran away, leading to Kronik coming out and beating everyone up. Once again it felt like a lot went on in a segment when it didn’t need to be that much.
Arquette again said he wanted to give the title up. Kanyon said it doesn’t work like that.
We saw Nash who was still battering both Mysterio and Kanyon. Bizarrely in the middle of the beatdown he stopped to smash the trucks windows with a crowbar…
Kronik were arrested… I guess for kicking too much ass?
Vampiro was out next. He again said he was the monster Sting should of been. Then the lights went out, a crow appeared on the top of the entrance ramp, and Sting then came down from high above. He beat up Vampiro with the bat after… So Sting being BURIED ALIVE kept him out for… about an hour… COOL…
Shawn Stsiak was STILL shooting as the hoop with basketballs.
Russo again berated Liz. Liz slapped him, then it appeared she ran away… cool…
WCW WORLD CHAMPION David Arquette DEFEATED Tank Abbott
Kanyon came out with THE CHAMPION and tried to give him some brass nucks, but he was soon ejected from ringside by the ref. It was what you’d expect after that, with Abbott toying with Arquette, he then threw him down and then punched the ref for absolutely no reason, the ref of course took a heavy bump. DDP’s music played, and we vu to the back where Bischoff sent Jarrett out after DDP (we had seen JJ, Eric and Kimberly watching on just after Arquette came out). And suddenly it appeared DDP had come through the crowd to hit the Diamond Cutter to Tank Abbott (not that we saw it first time as the camera missed it, but they did show a million replays after). The ref came back around to count the pin after DPP put Arquette on top of Abbott. Poor Tank Abbott.
Double J not getting their first was explained just after where we saw Steiner had knocked Jarrett out.
Stasiak was STILL shooting hoops… until Curt Hennig came in to stop him one shot short of the record. Because of course he did.
TERRY BOLLEA (because they did not want us to think this was Hulk Hogan) faced Mike Awesome and I’m not even sure who won or what the rules were…
The announcers tried to make it very clear that this wasn’t the old Hulk Hogan, but much more Terry Bollea. He and Awesome had a basic brawl, until Hogan decided he’d sold enough and hit a weak chair shot to Awesome’s head and then back, he then used his belt to choke Awesome, before Mike Awesome used the same belt to choke Hogan on the outside against the crowd barricade. They fought on some more until Kidman came in, he took a chair to the back by Hogan, then Bischoff came out (who’s going to be the ref for Hogan vs Kidman at the PPV)… and with Hogan on the outside Kidman came off the top and smashed a chair into Hogan’s face. I was waiting for Hogan to come back up bleeding all over the place, and of course he was. I know this because Hogan touched his head and scrapped it with a razor as he did so. Don’t think we didn’t see you Terry… Awesome got the pin after.
Then of course Hogan had to get his heat back and so he beat everyone up. An actual fan ran into the ring but was quickly taken out…
Just as a large amount of red liquid fell from the sky onto Hogan and covered the ring (I guess for the New Blood group).
The rest of the New Blood then came out and laid the boot into Hogan, and that’s how we went off the air.
I don’t even know where to begin to sum up this show. It sucked would be accurate. It was one of the worst go-home shows for a PPV I’ve ever seen. There is next to nothing on this show I’m interested in going into the Pay Per View. Just a big fat URGH…
Vince Russo is a terrible booker. This was a god awful show that was absolutely all over the place in terms of logic, and interesting stories. WCW in the year 2000 absolutely SUCKED. I’d go into more detail on it and aspects of the show, but at this point to be honest I just want this show out of my life forever.
Josh.