I don’t even know where to even begin with my review of this week’s Raw. It was an absolutely ridiculous show, not in a bad way just that soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much stuff happened. So I’ll try and summarise it all for you.

Kurt Angle came out to begin the show, he spoke briefly about his match at Wrestlemania before going on to the Universal Championship match. He then announces that Brock Lesnar won’t make it here tonight (the crowd boos, but I really like how this is being told)! As he continues to explain why Lesnar may or may not have not been able to make it tonight Roman Reigns music hits to interrupt him. Roman says he wishes he was surprised but he’s not, that Brock doesn’t respect anyone, and that is there going to be any repercussions for his (Brocks) actions? Roman continues saying Brock is “Vince’s boy” and that Vince McMahon is the real problem! He puts Vince down some more before storming to the back and entering GORILLA POSITION (the backstage area where all the high-ups sit that run the show) and CONFRONTS VINCE MCMAHON!!! Vince (with SHANE MCMAHON stood beside him) tries to calm Roman down, and yells for them to ‘go to commercial’ and he takes Roman to his office. And then they indeed went to commercial. After that Renee Young was outside Vince’s office, Roman came out but walked straight past her, Vince followed soon after and told Renee that Brock is not my boy, I reminded Roman that he should listen to the words of his cousin The Rock and ‘know your role, and shut his mouth’, he says Brock may not like people or respect the WWE universe but he does respect competition, that he’s earned his privileges but sometimes talents take advantage, and he says ‘you have my word’ when asked if Lesnar will appear on Raw next week, and also says that Roman Reigns has been temporarily suspended! … WOW OH WOW WHAT A START TO RAW! HOLY SHIT!!!

Next Absolution were in the ring, and Sasha Banks followed them out (with Bayley alongside her) for her match with Sonya Deville. This was a decent enough match, finish came when Mandy got on the apron to try and distract Sasha but was pulled down by Bayley, Sasha then hit the backstabber and the Banks Statement for the win. Bayley then immediately walks away after the match as Sasha looks on confused. Absolution then surround the ring and attack Sasha (no Bayley save). I liked this, I just hope they blow it off with a match at Mania between the two and not on a Raw… please… Miz TV was next, Miz was out minus Dallas & Axel who were preparing for a match later apparently, before he then welcomes out his guests Seth Rollins and Finn Balor. The Miz then tries to cause friction between the two challengers for his Intercontinental Championship at Wrestlemania, but the two of them see through it and although they do talk some smack to one another they do eventually attack The Miz. Seth though then hits Balor down to the floor and a match is set up between Balor and Rollins for later in the night. OK segment. Match at Mania should be good. The Raw Tag Team Champions Sheamus and Cesaro made their way to the ring next as their ongoing open challenge storyline continues, and before they can compete in their match against The Miztourage both Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel attack The Bar. They brawl and then one after another are joined by The Revival, Gallows & Anderson, Titus Worldwide and Heath Slater & Rhyno whom all beat down on the champions before they retreat. (How weak is Raw’s tag division right now? It saddens me so much).

JOHN CENA made his way to the ring next. He tells the crowd that less than 4 weeks away he has finally found his road to Wrestlemania, he says he’s got no excuses for his failure to get the job done with his previous shots at a Mania spot, and says he’s here tonight to ‘tell you I will not contribute to Wrestlemania this year’. He continues saying that he’s not quitting but instead he’s simply going to Wrestlemania this year as a fan. He goes into the crowd, chants along with them including one part where he tried to get a “LETS GO ROMAN” chant going, which didn’t work (I found this really funny as Cena obviously knew it wouldn’t go well with that one). He also had a sip from the drink of a fan’s beer, which was… different… He got back in the ring and tried to get a “LETS GO CENA” chant started as according to him the fans needed to get it out the way before Wrestlemania as they wouldn’t have the chance to do it there. AND THEN… Cena says he’s going to do something right now he’s ‘not supposed to’ but “what’s the worst that could happen?”… I CHALLENGE THE UNDERTAKER TO A MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA!!! (CROWD GOES APE SHIT)! Cena continues on repeating his challenge 3 times, his point being that WWE hadn’t turned his mic off, so that it wasn’t the WWE that were making the match not happen, it was THE UNDERTAKER HIMSELF! He tells Undertaker to ‘get over you own ego, … the difference between you and me is when I fail I get back up, when you fail you hide’, ‘you are not too old, washed up and broken down, ‘if you were broken down you wouldn’t post work-out videos on your wife’s Instagram’ (I particularly liked this line), and that the only thing that was stopping this from happening was the fact that The Undertaker is a self-centred, ego-maniac! He asks the crowd if they want to see The Undertaker ‘kick my ass’ at Wrestlemania and then asks if they want to see The Undertaker Tombstone me at Wrestlemania? The crowd obviously responds with delight. Speaking directly to The Undertaker Cena says “they want to see it, I want to see you try it, you will see me at Wrestlemania, I’m either going as a fan or as your opponent”. “The ball is in your court deadman, time to see if you’re still alive” (really liked that line too). “I know what I’d do, I’d want one more match”. He drops his mic and then leaves to the back…………………………………………. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! IT IS HAPPENING!!! Cena absolutely smashed this out of the ballpark, great stuff!

Next up after that is Sheamus and Cesaro backstage with Raw GM Kurt Angle. They moan to him about the attack they suffered earlier, and the fact they have beaten everyone on the Raw tag team roster. They moan further about their treatment on Raw and request a trade to Smackdown to compete against the Bludgeon Brothers, The New Day, The Usos or even Breezango. Angle rejects their request saying they will not be traded, and says they will find out their Wrestlemania opponents tonight in a tag team battle royal! OK then… let’s bear with it for now… We then had a recap of the Symphony of Destruction match last week between Braun Strowman and Elias. Elias is then in the ring, his usual set up (stool, spotlight etc.) but is unable to play his guitar and give his usual performance as his arm is in a sling after his crushing loss to Braun Strowman last week. “This is your fault” he tells the crowd as he then slumps off, very sad and very slow (great stuff this). We cut straight to a Braun promo backstage, he questions how he hasn’t got a match yet at Wrestlemania? He says he’s not going to beg and that he will carve his own path and he guarantees that at Wrestlemania someone is going to “GET THESE HANDS!”… I hope so Braun, I really do.

Next match was Seth Rollins vs Finn Balor (IC Champion The Miz was shown watching this one backstage by the way). Fun match, very even contest between 2 very talented performers. I did feel they both have so much more in the locker than they showed here, but nonetheless it was fine. Really hard hitting match finished when after Balor and Seth brawled on the top rope it was Rollins who got the advantage by hitting Finn with a Superplex. Balor though was able to catch Seth and roll through into an inside cradle to pin Rollins and pick up the win. This was fine as I said but I expected more to be honest. Commentary did note how even these two are, and they were not wrong here. Whilst I speak about the commentators, how AWFUL is Jonathan Coachman!? He’s just so, so bad for a number of reasons. BRING BACK BOOKER T I SAY!!! At least he was fun to listen to and engaging, Coach is just dreadful and sounds so awkward. We then had the announcement of the ‘Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal’ at Wrestlemania. Basically this will be an all women match, over the top rope elimination style, featuring superstars from all THREE brands (so Raw, Smackdown AND NXT). The less said about who this has been named after the better. A legendary name for sure, but just google her past and some of the stuff she has done for more insight… questionable to say the least… but with the actual match I think this is a perfect platform to bring up and showcase some of the female superstars in NXT and just how good they are, and I hope one of the NXT roster actually wins the match on their main roster debut, ala Baron Corbin and the Andre battle royal a few years back.

ASUKA the current WWE lady of my Heart (oh and she won the Women’s Royal Rumble, oh and she’s amazing) comes out next. Charlie Caruso interviews her in the ring and asks her why she challenged Charlotte for Wrestlemania? As Asuka goes to explain her decision she is interrupted by the arrival of the Raw Women’s champion Alexa Bliss (and her sidekick Mickie James). Bliss (who really once again was superb in terms of her performance of this bitch character she’s playing) basically said that the reason Asuka chose Charlotte for Wrestlemania and not her was that she’s smart and that she wanted to keep her streak, and knew she couldn’t if she faced her at Wrestlemania. Mickie James then mockingly reminded us all that Asuka is the empress of tomorrow and that nobody is ready for Asuka (I found her really annoying and cringey here I don’t know why). Asuka responds to Alexa telling her she was smart for choosing to challenge “the B show’s champion” at Wrestlemania by saying that “I chose Charlotte because to be the women, you’ve got to beat the women… I want to face the best champion in WWE”. YES YES YES Asuka, this was really good dialogue from her, she should always do short, sharp stuff as it helps her character so much, and this here was so effective you really believed everything she said. Bliss would go on to reject Asuka’s challenge of a match right now, instead saying Asuka gets to face ‘this woman’ …. (we all expected Nia Jax to come out at this point but instead we got nobody). Alexa and Mickie then push and then kick Asuka respectively before after the ad break a match between Mickie James and Asuka is made.

Mickie was on top early before Asuka regained control with a series of kicks, James tried to escape through the crowd but Asuka chased her, Asuka then went to kick James against the ringpost but Mickie moved and Asuka hit the ringpost fully to hurt her leg, she would then only make the refs 10 count narrowly at 8 to keep her undefeated streak intact, James targeted the injured leg some more, Asuka almost got the Asuka lock in but James flipped it into a pin attempt that got a 2 count, Asuka went on the offensive with more hard leg and knee strikes, both women went to the top rope which ended with Mickie hitting a Sunset flip Powerbomb on Asuka that got another nearfall. Finish came when James missed her Mick kick, allowing Asuka time to get the Asuka Lock in and James tapped out. Furious at the outcome Raw Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss stormed off. She would eventually confront Nia Jax who was in a backstage dressing room, she asked her “where the hell were you?”, to which Nia responded saying Kurt Angle told her not to go out as she had a match to prepare for, Alexa told her that she did this for her to give her an opportunity to redeem herself after her ‘embarrassing loss’ last week, she told Nia that she loved her, Nia said she loved her too, Bliss then wanted to know if next week when she faces Asuka if she will have her in her corner? To which Jax said that she would be (So Asuka is going to be on Raw and Smackdown for now then…). Indeed next up was Nia’s aforementioned match that she won against a random jobber in less than a minute, after the match was the main segment though…

Alexa Bliss and Mickie James were shown on the titantron backstage talking amongst themselves; James told Bliss some of the stuff she said to Nia she couldn’t believe she said, Bliss said that well, the ‘truth hurts’, Mickie says ‘I almost died when you spoke about how people look at her’, Bliss compared Nia to SHREK and told Mickie that Jax was happy ‘to carry my bags’ and that the truth was the she uses Nia. She went on briefly after this but you get the idea, it’s a cheap way to make this feud a thing yes, using the fat-shaming stuff, but it’s a sure-fire way to get heat on Alexa so there’s that. Charlie Caruso then arrives in the backstage area for her supposed interview with Bliss and James, but reveals to them both that the microphones have been on this whole time and everybody heard all of what they just said. Bliss and James then make a quick exit as Nia Jax makes her way from the ring (firstly upset but then furiously). Nia trashes the dressing room area in a furious rage, screaming at the top of her voice as she does it and genuinely seeming absolutely distraught. I really want Nia to win at Mania in about 30 seconds. I’ve thought Nia should’ve been Women’s Champion or at least in with a shot for some time, but either way once this is made official I’ll be very happy about a Wrestlemania encounter between the two.

Next up we had a video package explaining the whole WOKEN Matt Hardy – Bray Wyatt feud. The upcoming ULTIMATE DELETION match that will emanate from the Hardy Compound was explained in a filmed package by the WOKEN one himself; he reveals that all his assailants from the BROKEN universe of that god-forsaken wasteland known as TNA will feature; Senior Benjamin, Queen Rebecca, King Maxel, Lord Wolfgang and vanguard1 (his miniature flying aircraft)… EVERYTHING from the BROKEN universe will feature, WONDERFUL! All of this in WWE, before it was just a dream of mine but now it’s happening I’m overjoyed (if you have any questions about this then please ask, or google it, because to explain the entire BROKEN/WOKEN storyline I’d need 3 or 4 blogs to tell the whole story, but if you have followed it all the way as I have you’ll be enthralled for this Ultimate Deletion match). Bray did a good little promo after accepting Hardy’s challenge, but finished by saying it would be terrible if something were to happen to his family (and yes IRL the people featured in this segment were Matt’s actual family members; Maxel and Wolfgang are his sons, Rebecca is his wife and Senior Benjamin is Rebecca’s Dad). I’m all for all of this so only positive stuff to say. Can’t wait to see what a match at the Hardy Compound looks like in WWE. After this we had Kurt Angle backstage having to convince one of the referees to officiate the match next week, he wasn’t too keen to say the least… but NEXT WEEK IT IS ALL GOING DOWN!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!!

AND FINALLY we had the main event. The Bar were on commentary as the participants were already in the ring for this tag team battle royal; The Revival vs Titus Worldwide vs Gallows & Anderson vs Heath Slater & Rhyno and the winners facing the Raw Tag Team Champions at Wrestlemania. Before the match could start though BRAUN STROWMAN came out! He demanded the ref start the match and he did, and of course in 10 minutes or so BRAUN STROWMAN WON! So indeed seemingly now he will face The Bar… yes I’m well aware he is just 1 man and not a tag team… and yes the ref just let him in the match anyway… I’m glad Braun and The Bar will have something at Wrestlemania, if it’s a handicap match (Braun as tag champion by himself seems far too bizarre) or he gets a partner remains to be seen but I’m sure that’ll be sorted in due course. But this match was not just a reminder of how cool Braun is (not that we needed one) but how absolutely dire the Raw Tag division is right now. Apart from The Bar absolutely NONE of these teams have got any form of decent booking for a LONG time. It’s sad because The Revival and Gallows & Anderson in particular are great, just not been given the platform or enough time to be made to look it.

And that was Raw. About as eventful an episode as you’re likely to get. God knows how they fit it all in, but they did and I enjoyed watching it. Wrestlemania is certainly taking shape to be an incredibly stacked card.

Key Points to Take Home

. Whoever is writing this Roman-Brock build deserves a raise

. Alexa Bliss is too good at being a bitch in character, which considering she’s lovely irl is an impressive feat

. The Ultimate Deletion will be an absolute madness!

. WTF IS GOING ON WITH BRAUN?

. JOHN CENA VS UNDERTAKER; IT’S HAPPENING!!!

Conclusion

So on the Raw side of things it seems the Wrestlemania card has taken shape; Roman v Brock (great build so far, I’d absolutely love it if we don’t see Lesnar until Mania that’d do so much for the story they want to tell), Kurt & Ronda (where on earth was she this week?) vs HHH & Stephanie (fine, but please don’t put it on last at Mania WWE as has been rumoured), Miz vs Seth vs Finn which will be a decent match, Nia vs Alexa surely (in slight bad taste this story but it’s effective) and maybe Bayley vs Sasha too (LONG OVERDUE on the main roster, but would like that to step up a gear in the next few weeks before). Add to that whatever Sheamus and Cesaro vs Braun Strowman ends up being and you have a pretty impressive card. We still need to get there of course, and that means a few weeks still of build-up. The way those stories are set right now leaves me in no doubt the next few weeks of tv will be absolutely fascinating and enthralling (this means they will be awful now I’ve said that). Add the small matter of the ULTIMATE DELETION next week and it should be pretty special viewing.

Anything else I’ve missed???

…

Oh yeah…

IT’S HAPPENING!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!! JOHN CENA VS THE UNDERTAKER IS HAPPENING! When we will actually see The Deadman I’m unsure. Those of you who recall Bray Wyatt’s challenge to The Phenom in 2015 the year after the streak ended will recall that entire build was all Bray, we didn’t actually see The Undertaker himself until that Mania. But nonetheless whatever the case may be I trust those involved to do it well. Cena has been killing it recently even by his lofty standards, so I trust him eternally to do this justice. And let’s all just rejoice one more time… because IT’S HAPPENING!!! IT’S HAPPENING; JOHN CENA VS THE UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA 34!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

Josh.